Buttfaced Miscreant

Reaction time: it's no one's strength. Unless you're a debater. Or a comedian. Or if you thought of your comeback a few days beforehand and practiced what the entire conversation would sound like in your head. But for most of us, the really good stuff, the wittiest or most profound comment you could have made comes to you hours, or worse, minutes later than you needed it. And then it's useless. There's no way to go back.  

Today I found this Shakespeare Insult Kit on the interweb and decided that I'm going to make every combination of those words and keep them in my pockets.  And in times of desperation, I could pull out a phrase like Colin and Ryan did on Whose Line Is It Anyway. The result would be scathing. For instance, who could possibly come back from something like "Thou smell of mountain goat, thou frothy fat-kidneyed foot licker!" Not many. I, for one, am very sensitive about my kidneys.

This all reminded me of one of my favorite moments from Gilmore Girls. Logan Huntzberger had thoroughly embarrassed Rory during one of her classes, and when she saw him next, she really let him have it. The best part, of course, was that her string of insults ended with "buttfaced miscreant."

I loved those words so much, I wrote a song about them. I kid you not. But I refuse to show any evidence, thou spleeny lily-livered bladder!!

Let me know when you think of your comeback.